Anything Really is Possible in Samsara or No I'm Not Good For Eating

Yesterday I was sitting in a circle of grass at the top of the rice paddies, writing the following:


the woman cutting the grass with a sickle. the wind. the bleating black goat. the long crazy bus horn. the chirping of crickets. the huge praying mantis. my wet hair drying in the sun. a slow headache brewing. the cook carrying squash from the garden, black soil clinging to it's fur. the women with shawls wrapped around their waists. the clothes I want made. children's voices echoing across the valley. and that goat. walking behind that running rooster on the shortcut to town this morning, a thin string trailing from it's leg. the furry chickens in the garbage, in the gutter. the lowing of cows. the hawks circling overhead. the wind. the sun. feeling a little sick. the dirty children. a girl washing at the outdoor spigot this morning. a leaking nose. the drums in the night. and the rustling of leaves. I need a plate. I need a cup. I need some dishsoap that's not a cake. I need some cake. I need some books. I need a movie. I need poetry. Two girls jumping rope with a chain. Am I catching a chill? My hair almost dry. All the pictures. Lakpa said his uncle's house was robbed one night when he slept at a relative's. The robber took everything--even the new underwear--leaving his old dirty ones in their place! Loppon said thieves dig up the sandalwood trees at Namdroling. I told how a robber crept through our house in the night. The clicking of the thresher? Avoiding milk tea making me sad. They're beating the ?stalks of ri...


So I wrote the above. Was in the middle of finishing that last sentence when BAM! something incredibly hard hit my head--so hard that the impact pushed the top half of my body forward. "What the fuck?" I yelled--pissed, thinking someone had thrown a rock at the back of my head--a big one. I quickly turned my head--no one there. I turned back around and saw a gigantic hawk flying a bit in front of me and immediately realized what had happened...


A giant hawk flew straight into my head. And it realy really hurt.


I don't think American hawks do this.


My head really fucking hurt. I decided I needed to go see Keith right away and as I walked to him--my head aching and burning--I imagined blood dripping down my hair. I mean, when a hawk divebombs your head, it really hurts. I can't emphasize this enough.


I burst into the Vajrakilaya shrineroom. "A hawk just flkew into my head!" I said.


"What?" Keith laughed.


"It just flew into my head!"


"That's great!" he said.


"Great? What are you talking about?!" I exclaimed.


"I think it's a good sign."


"A good sign!? How is it a good sign? It really hurt me! I just can't believe it!"


"Yeah, it's weird," he said and kept on with his writing. I, on the other hand, might have been in shock.


"Can you look at my head?" I asked. He gave it a cursory glance.


"Nothing," he replied. But it seemed to be hurting more and more with each passing minute and I really didn't think he understood the enormity of what had just happened! Keith kept writing and suddenly I was crying.


"What's wrong?" he asked.


"I'm really upset! A hawk just flew into my head and my head hurts! And also I just took a shower and washed my hair and now I have hawk germs!" I sobbed--perhaps a bit dramatically. But really, I do spend an inordiante amount of time here trying to keep myself, my clothes and my few possessions clean. And the last thing I needed was a hawk flying into my head. I really was distraught. I'd been having such a beautiful time sitting there writing in the sun. And then BAM! Like a ton of bricks slamming into my head. I felt like it was a metaphor for this whole trip...


But what really drove me to distraction was people's reactions to this incident. Soon after the tears, as K was taking me back to the room to my complaints of, "I'm lucky I didn't get whiplash!" and "I could've gotten a concussion from that thing!" we came upon Tsering and Lakpa. I told them what happned. But they didn't seem surprised--or impressed. "It thought you were something," Tsering sniffed, nonplussed. "Very brave bird," Lakpa commented.

"Brave bird!" I laughed. "I just can't believe it--have you ever heard of a hawk flying into someone's head before?"


"Birds of prey, you know?" Lakpa said. "Sometimes vultures, they take people's eyes."


"What!?" I squealed.


"When they're dead!" Keith laughed.


"No, alive. birds of prey, you know?" Lakpa said in his Indian accent, bobbling his head at me...