More!

Holiness' Anniversary Day

Namdroling/Kushalnagar

Zangdopalri

"Veg Meals"

Shopgirls hands (they followed me around, giggling and saying, "Hi Jennifer")

As Keith says, nothig can be contained here--it all spills into the streets

Bits and Pieces

The ceaselessnes of change within my mind. Billions of fake flowers. Like the way I don't notice until a droplet of sweat has already formed. A leper standing on his stubbed legs like a little deer with hooves. Waiting for Keith. Always waiting for Keith these days...Our underwear and socks hanging in the window. Watermelon juice from the new cafe above Beena. American Idol and Heroes at night! Crazy Indian music videos--one stangely compelling. Keith shuffling around in his sandals. The miday sun beating down on our heads--stalking each slab of shade. The hotel worker monks always watching TV. The garbage man monk driving around in the tractor. Bodhisattva fruit. Two small dogs running around the Migyur Dorje stupa. The Chinese ani sweeping all the beggar spots near the main gate at five in the morning with her short twig broom. The Hong Kong ngangma and one monk doing full prostration khorwa around Zangdopalri...Eating tiny ants. I hadn't realized they were crawling all over my cashews. Keith's prickly heat rash. The string of jasmine above the mirror--my sticky under chin. The always melty chocolate.

There's

Holiness' sister doing khorwa around Zangdopalri every night--looking amazingly like Holiness.
Touching leper hands. The salt of his body.

I Never Would Have Believed

I'd still feel this way. Something happened last year--and all due to the blessings of His Holiness Penor Rinpoche...For example, to be honest, I usually cringe and avert my eyes when passing by the old stub-handed beggar who cries, "Ma, Ma," stretching his arm towards me. But this morning he was wearing a winter cap with his shorts as it was early and still cool. When he saw me, he cocked his little head to the side, red inner eyelids showing and crossed one little arm over the other gentlemanly. Suddenly, he was so sweet to me. Cute, even. For me, for this mind of mine with such impure view--it was a tiny bit of progress--albeit fleeting. And somehow, I still don't notice the trash. Or if I do, it doesn't bother me. The horns no longer grate on my ears. So strange. And here in the internet cafe, Holiness' mantras play...
Oh all you dear friends of mine, I wish you were here. Ed and Meredith, you have to come next year!!! And you too Minh and Noelle. And Dizzy. And you too homebody Drew! Well, at least Keith and I are meeting Dizzy in Nepal in a few weeks--the three of us will be missing you guys as we visit Guru Rinpoche caves and visit as many lamas as Keith can think of...Speaking of Keith, I think a tiny bit of bragging is in order! He's doing the tsa-lung retreat with the monks here and as he says, "Representing Holiness' American students..." Needless to say they are impressed! The first day, our friend Gaywa Sangpo asked Keith if everyone in class laughed at him. "Laughed? No--I led the class!" Keith replied...But for some reason, the monks can't seem to wrap their heads around the fact that Keith knows tsa-lung and can do it--asking again and again where he learned and who his tsawai lama is! Oh, and Noelle--I see Pema all the time--I'll tell him you two say hi--I've decided he's the Tibetan (or is he Nepali?) version of Minh...He'll be a Lopon in a few days now... Also, I am staying away from the curd although it is calling to me, and today I did walk a bit on the wild side at the new juice bar above Beena...But I'll try and reign it in! Hope all of you are well! Love Jenn (and a very bruised and sore Keith) PS We're taking lots of short little videos and hopefully can post some when we get to Thailand...

Homage to HH Penor Rinpoche, Amitayu Buddhist Association

This is how it was....

Sad....

To soon be leaving Holiness' kudung, Karma Kuchen, monotonous lunches of rice and dahl and bitter eggplant...
To be leaving this place, this "holy place," as Holiness once told me, where you can see a small brown goat with a khatak tied around its neck running around the stupas...
Where a little Nyoshul Khen can turn up at lunch...
Where three little girls with sad eyes and red jewels in their noses stretch their hands towards me...
Generators whir
Crickets hop into my lap
Ants cover my bed
And where I no longer notice the garbage...

The Sister

Everything is well and good when I'm all quiet in my room practising. Everything is fine when I happily place a 10 rupee note in the leper's bucket and then another in the hand of one of the most beautiful girls ever-the middle sister of the 3 beautiful little girls who beg at the shopping somplex--the most persistent beggars there. But things quickly fell apart when I'd already run out of my beggar allowance for the day and the oldest of the sisters ran up to me, hands folded at her heart and begging nonstop and touching my feet and arms and following me. I just totally lost it. No amount of, "Nays," could make her stop. She whipped me into a fury until I looked her dead in the eye and said rather loudly, "Nay!" only she still kept following me as I tried to ignore her and kept brusquely walking...This morning, she stood at the end of the korwa circuit, her eyes bruised.

Namdroling Take 2

magical in the prayer wheel house--candles glowing on the floor, along the walls, in corners

at 3Am we stood outside the temple. in the gloaming. it was still dark--but lit by thousands of strings of lights. 7 days out of america. anyway, it was way before dawn, though birds chirped. in the temple, the ligths went out. we kneaded butter, tea, into tsampa.

a flurry of flys

from my bed the prayer wheels click, prayers flying off flags

the pop of insects against ceilings, floors. the mala on the wrist. keith's dreams.

Pretend It's Last Night

There are at least 30 small insects in my room. I presume they snuck under the tiny corners of netting where tape was missing or were just small enough to come right through the screen. All in the 10 min. I had the light on and showered. Is it just the light they want? There are another 100 pressed up against the screen at all the edges, madly trying to flutter their way in. Is it because of the crazy rain last night? All suddenly born from moisture? I wouldn't mind so much, only the tiny ones keep crawling all over me. The slightly bigger black ones make noise flying around.

Alright, i just retaped edges for the hundredth time, turned on the bathroom light to try and lure them in there...and finally the insect activity seems to be dying down...or am i speaking too soon? This makes a few mosquitoes seem like nothing! And how i thought it was cool this morning, so quiet and still--the air full of strange winged moths rising into the sky. A monk rescuing one. And Noelle plying me with charcoal and ginger pills, crackers from Canada and juice boxes...

Alone In India....

well, not really. minh and noelle and khenpo's shabjes and Karma Kuchen are here. and holiness' kudun...

still, keith is not here.

and that is a bit strange.

In the Days After

Everything is lit. Generators whir. Strings of colored lights dangle from the roofs of temples, stupas. Eyes pressed to windows staring in at the statue that looked sad the night Holiness died.
There was a circular rainbow. And now, now Holiness remains in his house. Hundreds of monks inside making mendrup. Yangthang Tulku in the Golden Temple. And Karma Kuchen still on his way.

Namdroling.............

We're here! Keith and I arrived in Bangalore at 2:30 AM yesterday and were on the local bus to Kushalnagar by 4:30...Note to self try: to avoid that local bus in future as it makes a trillion stops!!! Anyway, we finally made it here around noon...The monastery is buzzing with all the preparations being made for Holiness' parinirvana ceremony...So far there are only two people here from retreat--Jennifer Huang and Ha-Yin. Already, both the hotel and guest house are totally booked...People who have lived here for months are even being asked to give up their rooms as there are so many tulkus and Khenpos coming from all the Nyinmga lineages...But luckily, Keith and I have ended up in a beautiful brand new room behind the primary school. We awaken to the sounds of little monks chanting the alphabet...It is hot here. So hot. And sticky. I am so glad to be here.

Goodbye Masala

Goodbye to occurences like these:
-while receiving our lung, I was wondering why Khenpo Pema Sherab had a stuffed animal--a small white dog--on his side table. When suddenly, a mountain of pecha's fell on my head...
-after we'd banished the giant cockroach from under the bed, shooed the gecko out the door and unsuccessfully tried to stalk the mosquitoe--we went to bed
-and the dums are drumming, and the army of kettle bearers surge in (in the temple, the monks are like so many bees going about their jobs--and birds take flight)

Goodbye To
-absolute "no's"
-colored laundry on the line
-cold bucket showers
-heat and sticky backs of limbs
-a dry tap
-bougainvillea and monks everywhere
-ants marching across the wall (carrying dead insects) to the windowsill
-to carrying buckets of water across the street, up to our rooftop hospital room
-slow everything

Goodbye India

Final day of Gutor

Giant Buddha in the Golden temple here at Namdroling

Hurling and Burning the Gutor at the end of the 5 day Kilaya Puja

Gutor dances to dispel obstacles for the coming year

The procession of monks outside Zangdopalri before the final rituals of Gutor

PS these pictures posted in the reverse order

What We See

Yay for coconuts down the road...

View through K's lavender lace window (it's to keep out the mosquitoes!)

Me in an autorickshaw

Laundry with Zangdopalri in the distance

Our oh-so-colorful hospital room

Once in A Lifetime

Yesterday Jenn, Dawa Norbu (Khenchen Tsewang's Shapju) and I headed to Sera Jey Monastery trying our best to see the Dalai Lama, we had no "pass", no real hope of getting anywhere near His Holiness with the crowds of thousands that had flocked to receive His Holiness's Hayagriva empowerment. When we arrived there were already thousands and thousands of people present and a line just to enter the monastery that seemed to stretch forever. This was going to be impossible. Just the monks at Sera alone (the monastery where the empowerment was being given were more than 7,000 strong), how could we ever hope to end up in the temple (the only way to actually see the Dalai Lama)?
Dawa Norbu decided to leverage our Inji (English) complexions to our advantage and pleaded at every possible gate of the monastery to let these poor Injis into the compound as we had traveled so far to see His Holiness. It took several visits to several different gates but we finally did it. I thought that's it we are as good as sitting in front of the Dalai Lama, wrong. Inside the monastery gate we found thousands of Tibetan families camped on the grounds surrounding the main temple which remained tightly locked.
We spoke to several differnet security officials about entering the temple for the empowerement and were continually told, "no way". Only monks would be allowed in the temple and even then not all the monks would be able to fit inside. I surveyed the scene outside and it looked grim, sitting outside without seeing the Dalai Lama, with no video feed and only speakers blaring a language I barely understand was not going to suffice for receiving an empowerment.
We waited for a few hours and just before the Dalai Lama arrived the temple was opened for monks only. Dressed in our Ngakpa Regalia we attempted to enter with the monks from the east, no such luck, we again tried from the back, denied, once more from the west, success, so we thought. We made it just inside the temple and were swiftly escorted back out, asking for passes, permits, ID--everything we didn't have.
After a lot of walkie-talkie chatter we were swept into the huge temple where more than 5,000 monks were gathered. I said, I'll just sit here at the back, but security had other plans. They swept us through row after row of monks, past children, adolescents, adults, aging monks, up and up and up until we were placed in the front row no more than 30 or 40ft from the Dalai Lama's throne, the only people closer than us were high Tulku's and the Abbott of the monastery who sat on the stage at the foot of the throne.
I was in total shock and feeling really guilty for sitting where we were sitting. But I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth, if this is my karma what can I do I thought. Dawa Norbu was giddy, he said in all his times coming to see the Dalai Lama he was never even allowed in the temple and could never have imagined sitting in the front row so close, it seemed impossible.
After some time, the Dalai Lama arrived, I wasn't sure where he would enter from, probably from back stage for security purposes. To my surprise he came in through the front doors and walked right down the middle of the huge congregation and then right in front of us, not two arm lengths away, he paused, smiled and bowed to everyone as he slowly made his way to his throne. We were in shock, and ecstatic.
The Dalai Lama began to give a talk on world religions and the preciousness of Buddhism in general and Tibetan Buddhism in particular. It quickly became clear that this was a case of water everywhere without a drop to drink, seeing as I understand about every 10th word. A monk came by and asked if we had a radio as a translation was being given in english over the radio. No such luck, I don't usually carry a radio to empowerments and if I had, security probably would have tackled me before I ever got in the temple.
A few minutes later a monk who was one of the chief translators came and sat with us, directly on my right side and began translating everything word for word right into my right ear. This was unbelievable, we had made it in against all odds, we were sitting in the front row, we were only feet away from the Dalai Lama and now I had a personal running translation. I just tried to be grateful for whatever merit I had accrued to find myself in this situation and dedicate it to the happiness of all sentient beings.
The Dalai Lama gave a general Dharma talk eloquently and extensively covering the entire path and all nine yanas, pausing for appropriate meditations at each stage, such as Bodhicitta and Emptiness meditations, he explained the progession of views all the way up to the highest Dzogchen Atiyoga view and meditation of the union of Awareness and Emptiness.
He then explained that the empowerment we would be given would be a Nyingma pure vision terma, revealed directly by Guru Rinpoche to the Great 5th Dalai Lama. What?? A Nyingma empowerment from the head of the Gelugpa tradition, this seemed tailored just for us, probably the only three Nyingmapas sitting in the temple. His Holiness gave an extensive empowerment, the Vase containing: bumpa, crown, vajra, bell, name. The Secret, the Wisdom and the Word empowerment, complete with clear and direct pointing out instructions.
He explained everything every step of the way so that all vows, Pratimoksha, Bodhisattva, and Samaya were understood and taken by those wishing to truly receive the empowerment and not by those who wished only for a blessing, each ritual was explained and the profound meaning of highest yoga tantra and specificially Dzogchen was elucidated. We spent more than 5 hrs there receiving these teachings, engaging in meditation together and receiving the empowerment.
It truly was a once in a lifetime experience, we have seen the Dalai Lama before, several times, but to receive such clear and profound instructions on our very own Nyingma tradition, from teachings he himself received from Dilgo Khyentse and Dudjom Rinpoche, the rarity of it is inexpressible.

Reasons

the reason why I'll be back in America in a few days is not because I can't stand another second of India--not because trying to get things done here is like swimming upstream, or because we never have any water--but because my mom has breast cancer and is having surgery soon. so all my peeps, please say a prayer for her....thanks

Namdroling

The pre-pubescent monks next door are constantly sweeping and mopping their room, cooking and doing laundry...They're like little super housewives in their shorts and undershirts. They now smile at me after my peace offering of coconut cookies and un-named biscuits which i heard them squealing over from my room. Bee carcasses litter the ground (in Zangdopalri). The leper's stubbed hands have fingernails (I saw as I placed a rupee in them). Fat rats near the stupa--dusk. Lolling on the sidewalk. White fog this morning, the birds elated. In the afternoon they tell me there's no tea.